Huh? Erm, good morning. Wait a minute, what did you just say?


Master? Could it really have worked?

No you doofus, it did NOT work. I was just pulling your leg. Jeez, you must be the densest genius on the freaking planet. The next time you give someone a movie laced with “subliminals”, you better damn well make sure that they’re a bit more subtle and not so obvious. The only reason I didn’t stop watching the movie immediately was that I had wanted to see it for so long. And most of the silly graphics you used were pretty hilarious to see, half of the laughs you must’ve have heard last night were in honor of your ridiculous work. The content was freaking me out a bit though.

Sorry. I’ll do everything you want to make it up to you. I’ll move out if that’s what –

Hold your horses there. Let me finish before you get all apologetic. I’d rather have explanations instead of excuses anyway. Like, why spend half the time telling me in each and every possible way how much I’m attracted to you? That felt unnecessarily redundant to me, or were you just trying to get my subconscious used to the messages by beginning with known facts?

Facts? Are you telling me right now that you already felt that way for me before last night?

Seriously? You never heard me scream your name late at night in the last month or so? Either the walls are thicker than I thought or you’re a REALLY sound sleeper. OK, I can gather from your shocked expression that you genuinely didn’t know that I’ve been masturbating rather vocally to you for a while.

Wow. I would never in my wildest dreams have thought of that.

This means that you also didn’t know how loud I can get when I’m really aroused. As if the other “commands” weren’t terrifyingly coincidental enough. Like your description of my exhibitionist streak in full detail or how you got my desperate need to meet all your domestic demands exactly right. I could have dismissed one or two lucky guesses as pure chance. But to hit perfectly with each and every sentence of your failed experiment? That I secretly would have been exactly the kind of girl you wanted to turn me into all along? There’s only one logical conclusion.


You must’ve read my diary.

Huh? I didn’t even know you had one, you have to believe me.

That’s the thing, I actually don’t keep one. This only leaves one other possibility.

OK, that’s where I die.

We are a perfect fit if there ever was one.

That’s so not what I expected you to say.

Don’t you see it? You match all of my kinks seamlessly and the lengths you went to make me have the perfect crush on you has to mean that you’re nearly as infatuated with me as I’m with you. What more could a girl ask for?

So you’re not angry that I tried to control your mind?

Why would I be angry? That was just your dorky way of saying that you like me. Although if you really want another girl to move in with us like you hinted at in your subliminals, you’ll probably have to shed some of your shyness first unless you want me to do all the work in seducing her. But don’t be too concerned about that, I’ll do my best to fuck that pesky timidity right out of you until then.

There’s been a dearth of hypno-material this week, it seems, but this hits the spot – good work!