ok don’t get me wrong the ‘salt and pepper diner’ bit is hysterical, but john mulaney has so many more hilarious stories that no one seems to talk about:

•the party at the house of the teacher that everyone hated

•the dog trainer

•meeting bill clinton


•“-too old to be a duckling, quack, quack!”

•“eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs.”

•literally any story involving his parents (especially the black coffee one)

just please, do yourselves a favor, don’t just stop at ‘salt and pepper diner’, listen to all this guy’s stories because they are gold

Don’t forget

– sometimes I get nervous on airplanes

– Delta Airlines / The I Love My Girlfriend

– “I just wanna sit here and feed my birds”

– JOHN that bathroom’s been closed for FOURTY YEARS!

– the Lawyer Parents stories

@coolguyfrenchfry @anxiety-is-my-middle-nam

The babysitter

“I’m gay, I have AIDS, and I’m new in town.”

“Hey Tony.”

XD! I need to get Master to watch John Mulaney with me SO bad.

“I am a proud Asian-American woman”

Special Victims Unit