Lemma the Librarian: Op-arrrr-ant Conditioning, Part 4

I staggered back, my whole body in agony,
especially my head and the hand I’d tried to open the door with. It was
everywhere, getting worse every second, and I knew how to make it stop.
“Obedience is pleasure,” I sighed. Just once was probably
okay, as long as I stopped there. The danger was if I kept saying it, which I
wasn’t going to. As long as I didn’t actively disobey, I could handle the slow
pain buildup, and that way I could keep myself from getting addicted long
enough to figure out a way to–fuck!

I’d thought about escaping, and that
meant a massive flare of pain that just kept going, getting stronger and
stronger. I had to say it, I had to! Just once: “Obedience is
pleasure.”

Gods, that felt so, so good. But
enough. I’ll just wait out the pain. He can’t be gone that long, right? I’m
sure he’ll be back any second. Fuck, that hurts. But just ignore it, he’ll be
back soon. Any minute now… Now! Okay, no, but he’ll be back… now! Fuck,
what’s taking him so long? This HURTS, dammit! Okay, okay, calm down Lemma. Be
logical. He’s gonna be back soon, right? So there’s no way that’s long enough
for me to be… trained or whatever. Not if I hold out a long time between
saying the thing. So if I just hold on as long as I can and then say it, that’s
fine, no way it’ll be more than two or three times before he gets back.
“Obedience is pleasure,” I sighed as relief washed
over me again, relief and that wonderful, damnable pleasure.

Now just hold out a while. Wait as
long as possible before I do it again. …This sucks. It hurts and I hate it,
why does this shit happen to me? Ugh, how long has it been? Feels like forever.
Fuck it.
“Obedience is pleasure.”

I sat on the floor. Looked like the
command to stand up wasn’t permanent, at least. These repeated waves of
pleasure and pain were exhausting. The constant pinging back and forth was
wearing me down, almost worse than the pain was! Almost. Speaking of, it had
probably been long enough. “Obedience is pleasure.”

How many times was that? Twice? A
third wouldn’t hurt, right? It’d hurt less than the pain, anyway.
“Obedience is pleasure.”

I flopped onto my side as bliss
filled me. But it faded so quickly, and the pain was right on its heels. I was
too tired to care, and sick of hurting. I said it again: “Obedience is
pleasure.” And as soon as the pleasure started to fade, I said it again:
“Obedience is pleasure.”

“Oh fuck!” That was
good! Repeating it while some of the pleasure was lingering felt even better,
pleasure on top of pleasure! “Obedience is pleasure,” I said again,
to see if it would happen a second time. It did, and it was amazing! But it
seemed to fade even faster.

I knew I shouldn’t, but I was so tired, and it
felt so good. “Obedience is pleasure,” I said again. “Ohhhh,
obedience is pleasure… obedience is pleasure… obedience is
pleasure…”

(To be continued…)


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