4000 FOLLOWS! WOW!
Thank you so much to every single one of you- especially those who have messaged me when I’m feeling down, and have stuck with me through slow times. It really means a lot! To celebrate, here’s a sequel (of sorts) to one of my most popular posts.
The first thing I hear is the low hiss of gas, almost a pumping sound coming from somewhere. A rhythmic beeping.
I
open my eyes and almost immediately regret it. It’s so bright. My head
is throbbing. The light only seems to get brighter and brighter.Finally
I’m able to focus on the mirror. I almost can’t believe it. It feels
foreign. Where the hell am I? Thoughts and feelings that eluded me for
the first few seconds of consciousness start flooding in. Oh, god. Oh
god. Where am I? And how did I get here? And what is–What am I
wearing? I tug at my bindings frantically. I can’t move. I’m bound and
buckled from head to toe. I’m wearing a straitjacket. Why? Why?? Why
won’t it come undone? Why am I so tied up? Where was I before this? What
happened? Why can’t I–“It’s okay hun, I know. You don’t have to remember. Just relax.”
I
try to reply but I can’t. I can’t scream, either. I can’t say anything.
Any noises I attempt come out as muffled moans and protests from inside
some kind of mask on my face. It’s uncomfortable and it forces me to
breathe. Breathing in. Out. In. Out. Pumping.“Don’t be too frightened for me now, darling.” A light drawl.
She’s
holding the mask in place. Who? She seems so…normal. Like this is a
normal situation. It’s not. I know it’s not. It can’t be. I feel her
grip harden on my shoulder, her hand readjusting the mask and pushing
against my chin. I can’t talk to her. I stare at her eyes in the mirror,
hoping to make eye contact and plead her to help me.Something about her cold eyes tells me she thinks she is.
“It’s okay. Shhhh.”
The
hand on my shoulder rubs me reassuringly. I think. What else could it
be for? She’s still not looking at me. The me in the mirror. She’s
focused on the me that she’s holding down. That she’s helping. Breathing
in. Out. In. Out. Air, or…something being forcefully pumped into my
lungs.Into. Into my lungs. I couldn’t panic if I tried to. I just
breathed in. Out. In. Out. Calmly. Normally. Normal. Maybe the nurse
was right. Maybe this was normal. Could it be? Why couldn’t I remember
anything else?I try to scream, but it comes out as a weak moan. She snickers lightly.
“No
no, we can’t have you trying to think too much…you’ll have plenty of
time to resist later.” She raises my head to look at her briefly,
tut-tutting in pity as my head falls back down, too weak without her
guidance.I can’t. It’s too hard. My head is still throbbing.
My chest is still pounding. And breathing. In. Out. In. Out. My vision’s
getting hazy again. Again? Has this happened before?“Just be
still for me. It’s okay. This is normal.” The nurse starts to whisper to
me, her words drowned out by the sound of the monitor beeping and the
gas.I think it has, I think it has it must have, something’s wrong?? Or normal. Maybe it’s normal.
The
nurse lightly pats my cheek before readjusting and holding the mask
firmly against my mouth. I’m leaning into her. She’s holding my head up.
She’s still whispering, but I can’t hear what she’s saying. She’s
trying to calm me down. She’s trying to help. She’s helping. It’s okay.
I’m breathing. Calm and collected. In. Out. In. Out.It’s okay.
It’s okay. It has to be okay. She’s a professional. I should…I should
just trust her yes I should just trust. Trust her. She’s helping. I’m
okay. I’m safe. It’s okayy…It’s okay and I feel myself starting to slip
away again. Even if I do it’s okay because she’s holding me and because
I’m still and bound and secure. And that means I’m safe. Still. Safe.
In… Out… In… Out… In…… Out……“I’m just helping, sweetie. It’ll make what’s about to come so much easier on you. You don’t want it to hurt, do you?”
I
nod lazily, because she’s nodding my head for me. I think she’s right.
What’s about to come? Wait– what? I try to arch my neck and beg her with
my eyes but her hand is now firmly gripping and locking my jaw in
place. Somehow it doesn’t feel so bright anymore kind of dark, and
darker almost black. I can’t see anything I can’t hear anything but the
beep beep beep and the hssssssssss“I do so love getting to do this while they’re sleeping. Can’t wait to see you when you wake again, hun.”
(Story by request ❤️ Everyone congratulate Steph on 4000 followers!)
(Hot yet dark)