It took quite some time to build this business. Banquet halls aren’t necessarily flush with repeat visitors, but weddings have been my highly successful niche. I’m not the cheapest option, but I have developed incredible word of mouth referrals.

Sure, it’s been a lot of hard work. It’s the bride’s very special day, and I work hard to make it perfect. No detail is overlooked. I handle flowers, linen, food, transportation, hotels…the list goes on.

And that’s just the work that everyone sees. Properly dosing the drinks, programming the dazzling lights, recording and re-recording subliminals—it’s never-ending.

This moment, though, makes it all worthwhile. She will remember having the time of her life, as will everyone else mesmerized back at the hall. Just listen to her!

“I will love, honor, worship, and obey.”

“I will love, honor, worship, and obey.”

“I will love, honor, worship, and obey.”

OK, so she’s not really in a state to answer, but I assure you she’s perfectly happy. She’ll rave about this to all her friends, with an emphasis on how our service is second-to-none.

No doubt you agree. Sure, my dear maid of honor, you’re not yet looking, but I guarantee that when you find the right guy, you’ll beg for a dream wedding right here. I look forward to giving it to you.

Right now, though, let’s celebrate the bride’s special day. If you’d be so good to slip your dress off…if only I could have programmed you both sooner, perhaps we could have avoided that unflattering color on you. Console yourself that you didn’t wear it for long.