Come on. Cheer up, dude! Sure, it blows that Candy broke up with you — and right after you bought this non-refundable beach vacation for the two of you. Well at least you get to spend a long weekend with me, Taylor, your best friend!

Ok, ok, I know it isn’t the same. But hey, its my job to cheer you up.

Plus, if there’s any better place for a rebound bang than the beach, I haven’t heard of it. So how about this? Put down that remote control or whatever, go throw on your swim suit, and we can go check out the scene. I’ll even help you scope out the chicks, you know? Be your wingwoman? I swear, by the end of this vacation you’ll totally forget about Candy.


So, dude… see any chicks you like?

You’d be quite the catch, so its not like you have any trouble getting whomever you wanted. Ya know, you’ve just got to look for a girl giving you the right sign.

*slurp* Mmmmm, I just looove sucking on this Popsicle. It tastes sooo yummy. And it feels sooo good to let it just dangle on my lips. Like this. *giggle* Oooh, it makes me feel all shivery!

So anyways, what was I saying? Oh yeah, I didn’t get to ask before, but what do you think of my bikini? Does it look good? I know I’m not your type, but just give me an honest answer.

You… you like it? Really?

That’s… I mean… uhhh… anyways, weren’t we supposed to be helping you mack on some cuties? After hanging out for so many years, I know your type, dumb blondes with great curves. Don’t try to deny it…


Isn’t it, like, totes funny that we never hooked up? For realz! Plus, I bet you’re a real good kisser.


OMG why did I say that!


Oooh, oooh. I got a great idea! Hows about, um, we act like we’re a couple and then use it to make some, like, cute girl jealous and then — bam! — you can totally get with her?

Doesn’t that sound awesome?


Oh, honey! I can’t believe you booked this romantic vacation for us. You really are the bestest boyfriend in the world. And when we get back to the room, I’ll show you that I can be the sexiest, slutiest, naughtiest girlfriend in the world.