I do a bimonthly blog at my Patreon. After a few days I’ll crosspost them to here, too!

Mistress and I have a road trip coming up, and we have a tradition of sorts on long stretches of dark road, so that’s on my mind. And by tradition, I mean long-term conditioning that manifests as a powerful compulsion.

Basically… when we’re on long car trips, I start feeling the urge to play with myself. Mistress really enjoys it when I do, and likes pointing out how controlled I must be to do something like that in public.

Of course, it’s not really public. People almost never look into other cars, and it only really happens on lonely stretches of road or at night. But that’s not the point–the point is that I would be incredibly embarrassed to be caught, and embarrassment is a powerful demotivator for me.

It really is a measure of how controlled I am that Mistress can do that to me. She is more powerful than my fear of embarrassment! And it’s just gotten stronger: at first she had to tell me to do it, then she had to drop hints about it. Now I just start doing it unprompted–or, rather, prompted by the programming Mistress has installed in me. 

She has tendrils all through my brain, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.  

Is there anything you’d like to see me talk about in these blogs? Have any questions or comments? Let me know in the replies!

I do a bimonthly blog at my Patreon. After a few days I’ll crosspost them to here, too!

I am never not under Mistress’ control.

That’s not necessarily the case for hypnosubs. There are plenty who submit as play with an acquaintance or as one part of a relationship. And that is, more or less, how I treat trance–most of the time, it’s Mistress who puts me under, but there are others I enjoy playing with occasionally.

But submission is a different story. I’m Hers, always and completely.

I didn’t think I wanted to be. It was something we both said early on: this was play, something casual. We talked about topping and bottoming, not owning. But… well, the more we played the more we both wanted to play, the more we realized how much we craved this specific dynamic with each other specifically.

Of course it’s not like in stories. I don’t greet her at the door on my knees–actually, I don’t kneel for her very often at all. I have hardwood floors, it would start hurting very quickly. I don’t go around her house in a maid’s outfit cleaning.

It’s subtler than that. (Most of the time.) If she orders something, I obey. That could be as tame as fetching her a Coke or performing some self-care she deems I need pushing on, or it could be something sexual. More important than the specific orders is the knowledge that she can give me orders, and I will obey.

Sometimes she’ll use triggers. Other times it’s more subtle brainwashing. I actually enjoy climbing stairs now, which is just weird, and some other entry I’ll tell you all about what happens if I’m alone with Her in a car on a highway at night.

What it comes down to, as with so many things in kink, is trust. I don’t trust easily, and I especially don’t trust people to have power over me. I’m instinctively anti-authoritarian; I believe firmly in ignoring the rules and doing what’s right, and in pushing back against the powerful. And yet I’m a sub. I’ve given Mistress total power over me–and I trust Her to use it for both our pleasure, with an eye to both our wellbeing, and with respect to both our limits.

Why?

Well, because it’s hot, obviously. Because by gifting Mistress my submission, I surrender that fear and mistrust. I am free of them, free to relax and obey, because I must. It’s complicated and difficult to explain. It’s not an abdication of responsibility–just the other night I chided Mistress for doing something she’d said she wouldn’t. (Not a kink thing–it’s complicated and not really in the scope of this blog.)

Instead it’s an ongoing awareness: I am a treasured possession, and my Mistress will take care of me. I’ve never felt treasured and rarely felt taken care of; having both is, simply, wonderful.

Is there anything you’d like to see me talk about in these blogs? Have any questions or comments? Let me know in the replies!

I do a bimonthly blog at my Patreon. After a few days I’ll crosspost them to here, too!

Mistress likes to see me squirm. She knows I love sensation play, and she loves when she gets a big dramatic reaction from me, so when she found out that inserting anything even a tiny amount into my belly button causes me to start squirming violently and desperately pleading for her to stop,* her face lit up like a kid in a candy store.

Which brings us to Friday night. Mistress has taken over running the monthly socials for the local kink group, and this was the first one she planned. She’d decided on something lowkey, just hanging out at the kink club, but with one addition: setting up Smash Bros on the club’s projector so people could take a break from hitting one another to hit one another virtually, and more importantly so that people who showed up without a date would have a low-stakes, non-sexual activity through which to meet people.

Since I am much better at Smash Bros. than she is (I’ve been playing it for two decades; she’s been playing for less than two months), I suggested she could cheat by triggering me during the game. I assumed, being apparently foolishly optimistic on this topic, that she would use my orgasm trigger to distract me while we played.

But I forgot that she’s The Worst. So we get to the club, I play a little Smash Bros, winning quite a bit (which was a nice change of pace–I’m not actually that good at it), and then Mistress takes me off for some fun. She ties me into a rope harness and attaches me to a chain hanging from the ceiling–a few chains, actually, basically setting up what amounts to a pulley system in which I am pulling my own hands behind my head–and then begins pulling me around, swinging me this way and that.

And then, suddenly, she drops me into trance, a classic pattern interrupt that I didn’t see coming at all. In the trance, she informed me that the rope was magical, and would become whatever she told it to become, then she brought me back up, pulled out her wand, and began making the rope different things–spiky, itchy, freezing cold, it was great.

What I didn’t realize was that she was using these rapid changes of the rope to get me used to accepting sensations from the wand. I didn’t realize that until she declared there was a spider on me, and started tickling me with the tip of the wand.

I FREAKED OUT. I’m not particularly afraid of spiders, but I do NOT like having things crawling on me, much as I don’t like things in my belly button. So I squirmed, and yelped, and genuinely carried on, until she swapped the spiders out for naughty tentacles, which I enjoyed much more.

After that, and some aftercare, we went to play Smash Bros with this other guy. Mistress washed out pretty quickly… and that’s when she decided to tell me the spiders were back. Then she switched to tentacles. Then back to spiders. Through the whole match, she had me squirming, dancing, writhing. At times I could barely look at the screen! 

(I still won, but that’s less a testament to my skills and more to how low the standards from Smash Bros skill is in the local kink group. When I played in a Smash Bros tournament at the kink club one city over, I washed out in the first round.)

Then last night, Mistress went back to the belly button AND the spiders. She used the wand to put belly buttons in different parts of my body, and got me squirming and laughing so hard I was sobbing and calling her history’s greatest monster.

I love her so much.

*But not safewording. I am very confident that if I used my safeword when she did that, she would stop immediately. In fact I know this, because one other time she did something that sparked a similar reaction, and I yellowed out. She’s never done it since. I hate her poking me in the belly button, but just the right amount that I like that I hate it; that other thing was much worse, so I didn’t enjoy hating it. And there you have the paradox of BDSM.

Is there anything you’d like to see me talk about in these blogs? Have any questions or comments? Let me know in the replies!

I do a bimonthly blog at my Patreon. After a few days I’ll crosspost them to here, too!

Like anything else in life, part of being a hypnosub is making mistakes and learning from them. I made a really bad one at Charmed, so I’m going to talk about it a little–how it happened, why it was a mistake, and what I learned.

I was very enthusiastic to volunteer for demos at Charmed. I go under easily–in the group hypnosis class, the teacher actually said early on “Now, I don’t expect any of you will go under for every induction, except Jenny”–and I enjoy it, plus I trusted the people who organized the con, and knew many of the people running the classes. I assumed anyone running a class would be safe enough for me to go under for.

What didn’t occur to me was that the unconference was, by its nature, not as well vetted as the rest of the con. Honestly, I really didn’t understand what an unconference was until it actually started, even though I had a scene planned for it with my Mistress. I realize I didn’t explain what it is last time, so really quickly: it’s a con (or chunk of a con, in this case) that has no preplanned schedule. Everyone gets together at the beginning and brainstorms class ideas, then votes on them and arranges them into a schedule.

So that’s part of the problem: I should have been more cautious with the less well-vetted class concepts. A bigger part: the person running the class I went to (whose name I don’t remember) apparently has a fondness for very intense experiences, and a very high threshold for such things, and doesn’t always grok that other people might not. And they were running a class on… well, I don’t really remember the term, but it was basically anti-hypnosis. As they described it, if hypnosis is “down,” the point of this class was to go “up,” into a state of heightened awareness and consciousness.

It sounded neat, so I attended, and eagerly involved to be one of the people put into that state.

It was not neat. Others enjoyed it, but I found it overwhelming. I was taking in too much, and it made me feel anxious, strained, and a little nauseous. But whatever, I came back down and appeared to be okay, so I went to the next thing on my schedule: the bimbo professor scene I told you about last time. And that was immense fun!

Here’s the problem: I always require intensive aftercare after doing anything bimbo-related. I don’t know what it is, but something about being a bimbo leaves me needing snuggles and soft words after. Fortunately, the con has an aftercare area for exactly this purpose!

Unfortunately, my Mistress is an important member of con staff, constantly being called on to put out fires, and therefore I had to wait a little for that care, and we had to keep it short. I knew it wasn’t enough, that something was still wrong, but I didn’t want to keep her from what she needed to do or divide her attention. I decided I’d grab my Switch and go find somewhere to be alone and recharge with some Smash Bros., while she went and dealt with a crisis.

What neither of us realized was… well, I’ve got this psychological condition called avoidant personality disorder. You can look it up if you really want to know about it, but for our purposes, the part that matters is that one of the symptoms is something called hypervigilance. Basically, I am always on the lookout for threats–physical ones, but especially emotional ones. I can. not. stop scanning my environment for danger at all times. I can be chilling on a comfy couch in a familiar place with an old friend, and part of my brain will still be watching their face and body language, analyzing their actions, their words, background noises, scanning for danger as if I were in a murder basement with a serial killer.

And I’d just been in a trance to heighten awareness, followed by one that required a lot of aftercare I didn’t entirely receive.

Over the course of the next hour, I became a full-on paranoid conspiracy theorist. I knew I was jumping to conclusions, knew that I was being irrational, but it didn’t matter: my brain honed in on the idea that this crisis was a pretext, a part of someone’s scheme to persuade my Mistress to leave me forever. At the same time, I felt like I couldn’t reach out to her for reassurance, because then she would “find out how crazy I am” and DEFINITELY leave me. I couldn’t help it; my overstimulated, hypervigilant, inadequately-aftercared brain was stitching itself a reason to be frightened and deeply miserable, and I was being dragged along for the ride.

Eventually, crisis dealt with, Mistress asked me how I was doing, and recognized my vague non-answer for what it was. She took me behind the Ops desk and held me while I bawled my eyes out, assuring me that I was hers, that I was loved, that I wasn’t “crazy,” and she wasn’t going to get rid of me.

I made several mistakes, and learned a lot for the future. First: check with Mistress before I volunteer to go under for anyone else, to make sure there’s nothing about the person I need to know. (She knows most people in the community.) Second: make sure she knows what I’m up to before and after an intense scene. Third, a lesson for both of us: I really do need a lot of aftercare after a bimbo scene, and EVEN MORE after a public one. And fourth: Don’t try to make things “easier” for Mistress by pretending I don’t have a particular need, it just makes things harder for both of us down the line.

The biggest lesson, the one I’m always learning and relearning, though: Trust my Mistress. Tell her the things I need her to know, the things she needs to know to be a good Mistress–and trust that she will tell me the things I need to know to be a good sub.

This is the last post about this year’s Charmed. Is there anything you’d like me to talk about in a future post? Have any questions or comments? Let me know in the replies!

I’ve decided to start doing a bimonthly blog at my Patreon. After a few days I’ll crosspost them to here, too!

Last month, I went to Charmed, my first hypnokink con—my first kink con of any kind, actually! It was a pretty great experience overall—I learned a ton, I met people whose names I’d seen many times on MCStories but never had a face to attach (most notably Jukebox and Madame Kistulot—Wiseguy was also there but I’d met him in person already).

I also co-taught a few classes, including one on running a hypnokink Patreon with Jukebox and the Secret Subject. That’s what inspired me to start this blog, actually, was Jukebox talking about his own. I also cotaught a couple classes with my Mistress, AskJeeves: one on pleasure conditioning and brainwashing in a D/s relationship, and one on crafting creative scenes, which was basically us doing audience-participation creativity and improv exercises with a kinky twist. Both were a lot of fun!

But the real highlight of the weekend for me was the “class” I “taught” in the unconference: a history of bimbos as a cultural signifier that was also an exhibitionist scene. I introduced myself as “Dr. Kohl, Professor of Bimbonics in the Gender Studies Department of Charmed University” and wore what I’ve started calling my “bimbo professor” outfit: pink blouse, black pencil skirt, gray cardigan, with my hair done up in a bun. Just for added Academic Authority ™ I wore a lab coat over that. Then I started my lecture.

What the audience didn’t know (although they knew going in this was an exhibitionist scene, just to be clear—the con took consent seriously and so do we!) was that Mistress had hypnotized me earlier that day to get hornier, giddier, and sillier every time she asked a question, as well as attaching that to a need to strip. And she made sure to ask a LOT of questions.

I started off talking about the fall of Rome, as one does. By the time I got to the introduction of the word “bimbo” to the English language, I was out of the lab coat and cardigan. By the 80s I had my top off and I was getting confused and sidetracked with every question the audience asked—and several people had picked up that questions did something, so they were asking a lot. Only Mistress’ had that bimboizing effect, but by this point I was distractible enough it hardly mattered.

I don’t remember much after that. I know I felt confused, but very good, and people were paying attention to me, so I knew I must be doing a good job. I’m not sure what nonsense I actually said, though, just that by a couple of questions later I’d collapsed into a giggling, horny mess on the floor and the scene was over.

That’s far from everything that happened at Charmed, and I may tell stories from there again another time, but I think that’s a good place to stop.

Next time, everyone! <3

I’ve decided to start doing publicly visible blog posts here and on my Patreon about my life as a hypnosub, for reasons I’ll describe in the next one. For now I think I’ll do two a month and see how that pace works out.

Hello! It’s your friendly neighborhood hypnosub here, Jenny. I figured I’d start this series with an introduction and the story of how I became a hypnosub, and then start getting into my adventures next time.

So: I’m Jenny, I’m a trans lesbian hypnosub, and all of that is still pretty new to me, since every single word of that is something I learned about myself early last year.

I mean, I knew I was into MC porn! But I honestly didn’t believe in hypnosis. Also, I thought I was a dom, because, well… I exclusively wrote stuff that was maledom/femsub, and I thought I was a dude, therefore assumed that was the side I was fantasizing about being. (As it turns out, it was really the femsub part I was into, but I was confused because I found maledom stories really hot even though I’m exclusively attracted to women IRL.) Anyway, then something happened: shortly after I came out as trans, I went for lunch with a friend who, in the course of conversation, mentioned the local kink community as being very trans-friendly. And casually let drop that she was kinky herself.

Shyly, I admitted I was kinky too. It was a big deal for me at the time! Online, in this persona that I created for the purpose years ago, I was open about it, but IRL NO ONE knew. Heck, AskJeeves–which is who I was having lunch with, though I didn’t know her by that name–later told me that she thought I was probably ace, that’s how little I talked about my sexuality!

AskJeeves started listing off kinks she was into. The first two were very not my jam, but that she casually mentioned that she was a hypnotist, and my entire brain went fuck, hot brunette glasses-wearing hypnotist? We made a date to try it, though my skepticism remained, surfacing mostly as anxiety that it wouldn’t work.

We spent the next week flirting via text, until we finally got to try a hypnosis session. She took me down using several different methods, all of which worked really well. Despite my skepticism and uncertainty, I turned out to be a natural. I don’t go deeper easily, but I go into a moderate trance fast and easy.

And yet I still wasn’t certain anything was happening. It felt basically like playing along. I don’t remember everything we did—it was nearly a year ago—but I remember she gave me a pleasure button that gave me a nice rush every time she hit it. But I thought I was still playing along… until she caught me by surprise and hit the button when I wasn’t expecting it. The pleasure hit first, and then it registered she hit it!

It was real. It was real and it was hot as hell.

That night, we made out like horny teenagers in her car, something I’d never actually done as a teen. And over the next few days, we rapidly realized this was more than just a shared kink—this was a relationship. An intensely sexually charged one, but emotional and mental, too. We both agreed we wanted to take it slow, and then we both emphatically failed to take it slow. Both of us said at the beginning we wanted to play but weren’t into lifestyle kink… but we quickly realized that with each other we were. She wanted to own me, and I wanted her to.

She became my Mistress. She started conditioning me to be more submissive and obedient, which I suspect wasn’t that hard, since I was eager to be both for her. I’m hers completely now, and it’s amazing.

Feel free to comment with any questions or anything. I really want to connect a little more with y’all!